I dreamt a dream

:EDIT:
The reasent confusion over this blog post is quite irritating. I want to let everyone know, this post was about Brittany, Not Shelby. The day after this post shelby broke up with me. I hope this explains. Please, post a comment to whatever is written here, not what you think something may have refrence to in the real world. This is a fictional blog, I am an author.
Thanks, Holden

I heard you don't dream when you have some drinks, Well I did. Maybe, In this dream I dreamt about all the things I'm too afraid to dream about sober, even my sober subconscious is afraid to tell me about. I loose inhibitions easily.

Last Night I drank with my boys. Jeff, my brother, and my military cousin Scott It was his welcome-home party-ish. I drank 5 beers, the 4th pretty fast because I knew I'd be awake, alone. After everyone was lying down I got my last one, and I laid and stared at a wall and thought about things that I'm supposed to forget.

It was then that I finally cried. The first in probably more than a month. Its terrible, I hate this. I'm so dry. But my single tear on my left cheek was an incredible commodity. I was thinking "If she would let me make her smile again... If I could just kiss her face. She would know... She would know and everything would be right. I know she would remember. She has to think about it, doesn't she?"
So here I am, drinking alone, enjoying the frustration of my sadness and I cant forget things from more than a year ago. I swear, I want to but I cant do it. Her eyes and the way I'd hold her neck and feel her hair and kiss her cheek. The way she would tip her head back and let her eyes close soft so I could kiss her neck and love her. I'm sorry I remember.


In my dream we are standing around somewhere.... Some place like the highschool caf. But bigger. I saw her with some people, like she always is. I waved to her and she left them and come over to me like she used to, like I was beautiful and she was for me. But then she said "I hate you" I cant recall if she was ever really that blunt with everything. Oh well.

she walks away, I ask if I can fallow. "I guess" she says, which is the thing she does when she acts angry, but still has hope for me. I think. (I'm realizing that maybe I didn't know her at all, and that was the whole problem.)

I walk with her, telling her those things that I was thinking to myself earlier. Girls like when they are remembered right. Are longings Hot? I want that, I want to be thought about, just one night in some girls bed, I want to be thought about there.

Anyway, she let me kiss her. Then she cried, saying I'm sorry that I was so distant, I'm sorry I wasted so much of our time. I'm sorry. I kiss her again, on the mouth this time she just smiles and holds me closer. For some reason then, people see us. People who don't want us together. So I tell her, that I love her but I have to go. She can come with me but I have got to go. She runs with me.... We find some way out of this big building we are in, but mostly all I can think about is her face because she smiles like the beautiful running women in the movies. The rebellion scene.

We get out, and we tell each other how much we love each other and Kiss in an ally. Some how her hair is wet. I think I thought it that way because michigan's adventure is one of my best memories of her. (I haven't been back yet) She was beautiful, and golden looking while the sunset hit her skin.

So anyway, more people started chasing us. We would escape and there would be more, and every time it was harder and harder to get away and be happy. But For every time we got better it was a million times more beautiful then the last time. We kept going on like this, till we just could do it any longer, just like our relationship. Finally we stood like we did when we stood in her kitchen and we officially "broke up" she kissed me and let go of my hands like she did before. And she took her little baby-steps backwards just like in the kitchen. I stood there, and let the monsters take me up. All I could see the tearful/sparkling look in her eyes as I woke up from the nightmare and all the enemies darkness over took me.
I woke up with the collar of my shirt wet, the hottest I had ever been in a dream.
If anyone took the time to read this please let me know what you think.