my new home.

With the warmth and love laking in my 'home' i move out to be alone. I love it, No one talks, everything is normal and I have my own space in my head and otherwise to just, be. Its funny, When im here youd think Id think of you less, No memorys here of us walking together... I hate It. The only thing worse than memory is hope. Now im looking at the pond and thinking about you insted of staring at that highschool missing you. Cigarttes are terrible, So terrible, I smoke marlboro reds now, and I dont even feel it in the morning, aside from you I hurt.... Smoking is the new cutting, I drag it, It hurts some, I cry, I dont think. But now the drug part of it doesnt work! what the hell am I supposed to do! ahrg!
Hm, A love letter of sorts I supose.
I really am happier than this. i swear, i feel happier, I just dont think any more, i stop myself. if i dont think i dont hurt, problem solved, fuck the medicene, fuck smoking, fuck theropy, fuck drinking, Im done. Im not done. Nothing is solved. im thinking right now and this is what comes out, I hate it.

"baby, i just want to know you"
"stop is shawn, your never gonna know me"

"I just wanted to get to know you...."
"your Never, going to know me, no one ever knows anyone"

My uncles son looks more like him every day.