Honesty

So, Its time for a normal blogpost. Its about my blog, I've got some splanin' to do.

Most of the blog is real, especially when it comes to, She said this, and I said this type things. I Just refaced and WRITE around them.
Too many blogs are straight forward...
"I went to the beach todqayy saw some girls, then I had to go shopping, worked suck, but its money. OKay, Gotta go play halo.... Leave me comments!!!"
shit like that and I am quite frankly disgusted with it. That's why I WRITE like I do. Someday I want to get something published some how, even if I do it myself. This blog is like, practice for whatever. Id really love to write music reviews as well...

anyway,
I've never met a girl named Vada, and I've never met a girl named Adolyn.

The last couple entries have been about a girl named Shelby, a girl named Angela, and a girl named Brittany.

I was with Brittany for 5 months 2 years ago, I was with Shelby for almost two years right after Brittany and I ended, fairly recently.
And Ang is a girl I met like.... Three weeks ago and in that time I managed (ithinkitsallmyfault) to give her car a flat tire the first night we met, just by being with her. Give her a bladder infection, drink her parents liquor and pass out and piss on her living room floor, Make her car not start after I drive it home for her, Make her mother say something like "we aren't running a whore house when your home from collage on the weekends", smoke almost a full pack of cigarettes by bumming when I was out, make her fall in love with me, Make her break up with me because of my past(and not being able to let go of it) and my present drinking problem, Send her into a depressive panic attack the ended in a emergency room and with counseling. Made her start smoking and made her have to pop an anxiety pill when she talks to me. I'm sure there was more.

I don't know where I was going. But yeah, I feel really bad that I hurt such a fragile girl so so much. Its really crazy, I really didn't know I meant so much to anything ever. Maybe that's why I do the things I do. I don't do them on purpose, its just me... I don't understand it.

Would you want to kill yourself if you had this massive, crushing power that you cant even feel... And as a result you hurt the ones you love and Anyone that cares?
Its like a movie, im like a virus that must be contained, and the only way to stop it is too kill my son or something.
for you, picture-cool girl.